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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

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Move Over, Pumpkin Spice: Polar Releases New “Sam Adams Seasonal” Flavored Seltzer

September 28, 2023 by Joel Papp Leave a Comment

Polar, the popular Worcester-based seltzer powerhouse, has decided to tap into their New England roots by releasing a new crossover flavor just in time for fall: Sam Adams Seasonal. “What makes these seltzers unique is that they are brewed with grain, hops, yeast, and, of course, carbonated water,” said a Polar spokesperson. Some of you might be asking yourselves, “Is … [Read more...] about Move Over, Pumpkin Spice: Polar Releases New “Sam Adams Seasonal” Flavored Seltzer

Nanas All Over New England Forced To File Bankruptcy After Visiting Christmas Tree Shop Liquidation Sale

July 21, 2023 by Andrew Haskell Leave a Comment

“The tinsel is 75 percent off! Of course I needed to buy 2000 dollars worth at that price,” said one Nana from Attleboro, Mass. “You can never have too much wrapping paper. I should be all set for the next few years,” said another from Scarborough, Maine, filling a U-Haul with 6000 rolls purchased for pennies on the dollar. “I’m over my yearly budget though, so I’ll buy my … [Read more...] about Nanas All Over New England Forced To File Bankruptcy After Visiting Christmas Tree Shop Liquidation Sale

In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth

June 30, 2023 by Joel Papp Leave a Comment

BOSTON—To continue his legacy of apologizing to marginalized groups that he physically slighted throughout his juvenile years, Mark Wahlberg has decided to openly apologize to the LGBTQ+ community. “Like in my movie ‘Joe Bell,’ somebody had to bully that gay kid so a beautiful story could come out of it. I’m sorry that person had to be me, but at least it was someone who … [Read more...] about In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth

Sad! White Harvard Applicant Who Would Have Been Rejected Under Affirmative Action Now Has No Excuse For Why He Will Still Be Rejected

June 30, 2023 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

Sources say future Harvard reject Reagan Lacey had already planned on claiming his seat was stolen from him by “less qualified individuals with set aside spots” if he didn’t get in. When asked if he feels that way about the legacy students and children of faculty who will continue to receive preferential admissions treatment, Lacey declined to comment. “I don’t see how that … [Read more...] about Sad! White Harvard Applicant Who Would Have Been Rejected Under Affirmative Action Now Has No Excuse For Why He Will Still Be Rejected

Preseason Preview: Pats Look To Secure Mac Jones More Weapons, Jack Jones Less

June 17, 2023 by Matt McInerney Leave a Comment

For Mac to really make things happen this season for the Pats, he needs more weàpons on the field—like DeAndre Hopkins, perhaps,” said an assistant offensive coach for the Pats, speaking anonymously. “Jack on the other hand…let’s just say his performance at Logan was shotty.” … [Read more...] about Preseason Preview: Pats Look To Secure Mac Jones More Weapons, Jack Jones Less

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