According Worcester’s own viral gymnast Stephen Nedoroscik, his skills on the Pommel Horse started immediately following a “freak accident” at the Polar beverages plant. “I was there for an engineering internship and one day I just saw a huge flash of green and a deafening screech. I woke up in a daze and realized I could do all sorts or crazy spins and stuff. It was … [Read more...] about Worcester Native Reveals He Gained Pommel Horse Powers After Strange Explosion At Polar Factory
National News
Hydrangeas Holding Family Vacation Together By A Goddamn Thread
While on vacation in Wellfleet, the Ferreiras—a mixed politics family—have managed to stay convivial despite recent events exclusively because of the gorgeous hydrangeas. “The colors are just absolutely marvelous this year!” remarked 60-year-old Marie, who never really believed Biden was elected President. “It feels like they bloomed so much more vibrantly … [Read more...] about Hydrangeas Holding Family Vacation Together By A Goddamn Thread
Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight
Did you know Boston and Dublin were recently linked by The Portal after New York City’s infamous flashing incident? Of course you didn’t. That’s because it lasted a mere two hours before shutting down due to sheer boredom from both sides of watching sloshed Liams scrap each other for hours on end. “We already got dudes in scally caps brawling here, I can walk down Dot … [Read more...] about Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight