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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

National News

Jeff Bezos Purchases Nice, Quiet Retirement Country

February 3, 2021 by The Boston Accent

"I'm not too picky, and this is a fixer-upper island nation for sure,” said the retiree. “But with some elbow grease and an innovation mindset, I can have this country running as a nice little oligarchy in a couple years, tops.” Tragically, Bezos says he will only be able to afford a single, modest retirement country instead of an entire continent, although he’s just $5 … [Read more...] about Jeff Bezos Purchases Nice, Quiet Retirement Country

In Latest Slight To Boston, Brady Announces He’s Now Starting Goalie For The Penguins

January 26, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Who could have seen that coming?! … [Read more...] about In Latest Slight To Boston, Brady Announces He’s Now Starting Goalie For The Penguins

Bernie Sanders Entirely Unaware Of Meme Status Because His Jitterbug Flip Phone Has No Internet In Vermont

January 21, 2021 by The Boston Accent

When his grandson tried calling to explain the meme over the phone, Sanders accidentally hung up repeatedly because his now-iconic mittens pressed like every button. … [Read more...] about Bernie Sanders Entirely Unaware Of Meme Status Because His Jitterbug Flip Phone Has No Internet In Vermont

Trump Just One Impeachment Away From A Free Frozen Yogurt

January 13, 2021 by Lauren Levine

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After earning his second impeachment, President Trump is now just one away from the final third punch on his Presidential Preferred Customer Card, granting him one medium-sized frozen yogurt of his choice. “Everybody said this was a deed that couldn’t be done. Too complicated. Too big. Couldn’t be done. Well, guess what? I’ve punched more holes than ANBODY … [Read more...] about Trump Just One Impeachment Away From A Free Frozen Yogurt

Mark Wahlberg Begs To Get Medal Of Freedom In Belichick’s Place

January 12, 2021 by Jack Stebbins

Patriots Coach Bill Belichick has denied the Medal of Freedom offered by President Trump, but, according to reports today, Mark Wahlberg has already put himself out there as a possible alternative recipient.  "Look I'm not saying that it should have been me," said Wahlberg, appearing angry as if he had been personally insulted. "I'm just saying that, if it were me, I … [Read more...] about Mark Wahlberg Begs To Get Medal Of Freedom In Belichick’s Place

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  • Masshole Meditation App Puts Users Through Guided Yelling Sessions April 11, 2021
  • Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms April 6, 2021
  • Cod Dinner On Good Friday Tasked With Undoing Entire Year Of Catholic Guilt April 2, 2021
  • Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC March 30, 2021

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