• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Top Stories
    • Local
    • National News
    • College
    • Sports
    • Culture
  • About
  • Contact
  • Merch
The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

National News

Man Suspects Only Reason He Was Invited Home For Christmas Is To Close Apps On Mom’s Phone

December 22, 2022 by Dan Bookbinder Leave a Comment

BEVERLY, MA—A Beverly Farms native got a rude awakening this Christmas when he realized the sole purpose of his family’s holiday invitation was so he could assist his mother with her phone. “Going home for the holidays used to be an every other year thing. But now that my parents struggle with new technology, they constantly want me to visit,” said Mark Brennan. … [Read more...] about Man Suspects Only Reason He Was Invited Home For Christmas Is To Close Apps On Mom’s Phone

Circles Of Hell In Dante’s Inferno Translated Into Orange Line Train Wait Times

December 6, 2022 by Stacey Curran Leave a Comment

1st Circle: Limbo Hey guy, I know these circles. I’ve been riding the Orange Line alone since I was a kid. What’s ya name? Oh, Virgil, that had to be tough growing up. I’m fine. I don’t need a guide down here. How long could limbo be? Nice red shirt though. Go find someone else with a question.  2nd Circle: Lust Whoa that new train has some nice looking cars. I … [Read more...] about Circles Of Hell In Dante’s Inferno Translated Into Orange Line Train Wait Times

Fourth Bartender In A Row Pours Royals’ Drink Orders Directly Into Boston Harbor

December 2, 2022 by Andrew Haskell Leave a Comment

“Ha, quite humorous indeed, thank you for the chuckle,” said the Princess of Wales, who still hasn’t been served since she arrived in Boston. … [Read more...] about Fourth Bartender In A Row Pours Royals’ Drink Orders Directly Into Boston Harbor

How To Protest Dunkin’s New Rewards System While Still Drinking Dunkin’ Every Day

November 29, 2022 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

So you’re pissed about the Dunkin’ Rewards app, huh? Join the club, buddy. Here are some ways you can stick it to ‘em while still being clinically dependent on their caffeine: … [Read more...] about How To Protest Dunkin’s New Rewards System While Still Drinking Dunkin’ Every Day

‘What Turkey Shortage?’ Asks Local Woman Cleaning Feathers From Her Car Grill

November 24, 2022 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

After an outbreak of bird flu wreaked havoc on poultry farms over the past year, causing notable shortages of turkey, many have wondered whether the Thanksgiving staple would make it to the shelves this year. Not Erika Stauss, though. “I dunno what the heck you’re talking about,” said the Quincy resident, standing in the parking lot of Shaw’s picking feathers out of the … [Read more...] about ‘What Turkey Shortage?’ Asks Local Woman Cleaning Feathers From Her Car Grill

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

The Latest

Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement

April 27, 2025

Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat

April 2, 2025

American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment

March 28, 2025

Sports

Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu

June 26, 2025

College

‘Just Venmo Me,’ Says Harvard Student To Friends After Putting Entire Meal On Daddy’s Credit Card

February 1, 2024

National

Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston

March 14, 2025

Footer

About Us

The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

Want to pitch us? Send 5-10 headlines and a short bio here. New England centric pitches preferred, but open to all (funny) content!

Recent

  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

Search

Follow Us!

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2025 The Boston Accent · Satire for the Massholes

 

Loading Comments...