Tewksbury, MA - Resident Tom Connors is hopeful the age old free-iced-coffee-after-Pats-win promo will be revived and relevant this season and he can finally pencil it back into his financial plans. “During the good years, that free iced coffee was a big part of my weekly fall budgeting,” huffed Connors, “I saved hundreds from it. But when the Pats fell off, I guess so did … [Read more...] about Pats Fan Yearns For Day They Can Incorporate Free Dunkin’ Iced Coffee After Wins Into Financial Planning Again
Top Stories
Exhausted Salem Residents Give Up, Grant Tourists Free Entry Into All Homes
Salem, MA—Exasperated residents in the seaside town famous for its 1692 witch trials say they have given up on keeping ghoul-hungry tourists from barging into their private homes this Halloween season. “It is worse this year than ever,” said a Washington Square resident who wished to remain anonymous. “Tourists have been looking in my windows since July. They think my house … [Read more...] about Exhausted Salem Residents Give Up, Grant Tourists Free Entry Into All Homes
Shocker: Boston Guy With Adorable Whales On Belt Is Total Asshole
Local bartender Ashley Stevens was left utterly shocked this weekend when a man donning a salmon linen shirt, 9-inch inseam navy shorts, and a belt covered in downright adorable whales turned out to be a complete d-bag. “You’re too pretty to work here, you know that right?” said the cute-belted man, quickly covering his wedding ring with his other hand. “I’ll take two Blue … [Read more...] about Shocker: Boston Guy With Adorable Whales On Belt Is Total Asshole
Worcester Native Reveals He Gained Pommel Horse Powers After Strange Explosion At Polar Factory
According Worcester’s own viral gymnast Stephen Nedoroscik, his skills on the Pommel Horse started immediately following a “freak accident” at the Polar beverages plant. “I was there for an engineering internship and one day I just saw a huge flash of green and a deafening screech. I woke up in a daze and realized I could do all sorts or crazy spins and stuff. It was … [Read more...] about Worcester Native Reveals He Gained Pommel Horse Powers After Strange Explosion At Polar Factory
Hydrangeas Holding Family Vacation Together By A Goddamn Thread
While on vacation in Wellfleet, the Ferreiras—a mixed politics family—have managed to stay convivial despite recent events exclusively because of the gorgeous hydrangeas. “The colors are just absolutely marvelous this year!” remarked 60-year-old Marie, who never really believed Biden was elected President. “It feels like they bloomed so much more vibrantly … [Read more...] about Hydrangeas Holding Family Vacation Together By A Goddamn Thread