“It’s not that the bottom half of his face is unattractive, it’s just not what I had in mind during the past ten months of casual masked conversation.” … [Read more...] about Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting
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Finally, A United Nation: 100% Of Americans Agree They’d Rather See Jake Paul Get Knocked Out Than Receive Another Stimulus Check
“America may be more divided than ever, but it appears we all agree on one thing: wanting to see Jake Paul get his long overdue comeuppance,” said Pew research Dan Hinkley, who ran the survey. “Astonishingly, 70% of Americans said they would even pay their last stimulus check back to the government if it meant they got to see Jake getting rocked in the kisser by a ‘decent … [Read more...] about Finally, A United Nation: 100% Of Americans Agree They’d Rather See Jake Paul Get Knocked Out Than Receive Another Stimulus Check
Impressive! Emerson Junior Breaks World Record For Most Banana Kush Pre-Rolls Shoved In One Sock Drawer
BOSTON, MA—After swiftly stuffing 78 joints into his dresser before the RA came in for room inspection, Emerson junior Codey Sherman officially broke the world record for most banana kush pre-rolls shoved in a single sock drawer. “I am incredibly proud of Codey. She truly embodies all of the qualities we look for in an Emerson student: ingenuity, perseverance, and of course, … [Read more...] about Impressive! Emerson Junior Breaks World Record For Most Banana Kush Pre-Rolls Shoved In One Sock Drawer
Heartwarming: Senator Sinema Pays Homage To Her Hero Emperor Commodus From Gladiator In Vote Against $15 Minimum Wage
“Some people thought I was paying tribute to John McCain’s thumbs down of repealing the ACA. Boy are those people wrong!” Said the Arizona senator, one of eight democrats who voted against gradually raising the Federal minimum wage to $15. “I loved Gladiator and that emperor was totally in love with power and human suffering. He was my real inspiration.” All … [Read more...] about Heartwarming: Senator Sinema Pays Homage To Her Hero Emperor Commodus From Gladiator In Vote Against $15 Minimum Wage
Trump Just One Impeachment Away From A Free Frozen Yogurt
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After earning his second impeachment, President Trump is now just one away from the final third punch on his Presidential Preferred Customer Card, granting him one medium-sized frozen yogurt of his choice. “Everybody said this was a deed that couldn’t be done. Too complicated. Too big. Couldn’t be done. Well, guess what? I’ve punched more holes than ANBODY … [Read more...] about Trump Just One Impeachment Away From A Free Frozen Yogurt