BOSTON, MA—Krista McMullen, a recent college graduate, stares at the sign with snowballing insanity, “I literally can’t.” The sign sits above the couch in her basement studio. “At first I thought it was cute. Now it’s just a daily reminder of how awful the world is.” At press time, sources indicate Krista was seen drinking from a mug that said "Hang in there.” Written … [Read more...] about “Live, Laugh, Love” Sign Mocking You More Each Day
‘Hold My Dunkin’,’ Says Man About To Test Limits Of MassHealth Insurance
“Dude, I could totally jump clear over that shopping cart,” said 26-year-old Brad Poisano, an unemployed North End resident who was recently kicked off his parent’s insurance. “Just hold my Dunks and watch.” At press time, a concussed Poisano was seen attempting to call an Uber to Boston Medical Center after learning how much an ambulance ride costs. Written by … [Read more...] about ‘Hold My Dunkin’,’ Says Man About To Test Limits Of MassHealth Insurance
Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans
“Yeah, we’re gonna pass on eating you this year,” said shark commissioner Larry Bytes, wearing a mask as he spoke to human reporters. We’ll stick to eating safe things, like seals and pieces of plastic.” … [Read more...] about Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans
Man Preps For Reopening Of Bars By Lighting $100 On Fire, Spilling Half His Drinks On Floor
“I’m so pumped that nightlife might be opening up soon—I really miss bar-hopping in Kendall Square,” said 28-year-old Jeff Torres, who typically spent his evenings out jostling through packed dance floors to buy $15 gin and tonics. "Drinking at home is so boring and efficient." Torres says he's also been practicing calling Ubers after blacking out, formerly a regular … [Read more...] about Man Preps For Reopening Of Bars By Lighting $100 On Fire, Spilling Half His Drinks On Floor
Actual Maine Town Way Creepier Than Any Described In Stephen King Novel
“I’ve read every book King wrote—he loves to set them in fictional New England towns,” said horror fan Bradley Shepherd. “But rural Maine is far more terrifying than anything I’ve ever seen or read before. Never, ever go there.” … [Read more...] about Actual Maine Town Way Creepier Than Any Described In Stephen King Novel