“I’ve just heard Dorchester is a dangerous place, that’s all,” said Tim Mayor, who has lived in Seaport for three years and has never taken the T for fear of getting mugged. “But that doesn’t make me racist—I almost voted for Ayanna Pressley!” … [Read more...] about “Boston Is Not Racist,” Says White Man Who’s Afraid To Visit Dorchester
Northeastern Student Finally Finishes 10-Year-Long Co-op
“I wanted to take my time and make sure I did the co-op thing right. Experiential learning is all about experiencing, y’know?” The 31-year-old , who was laid off from his decade long unpaid internship due to the coronavirus pandemic, says he’s excited to graduate into a recession just like his classmates did in 2010. … [Read more...] about Northeastern Student Finally Finishes 10-Year-Long Co-op
Harsh! Harvard Reject Sentenced To Four Years At Tufts
“I was really hoping for a lighter sentence, maybe at an upstate institution like Cornell,” said Jason Delano, whose only crime was getting a 3 on his AP chemistry exam. “Hopefully they will let me out early for good behavior.” … [Read more...] about Harsh! Harvard Reject Sentenced To Four Years At Tufts
“Live, Laugh, Love” Sign Mocking You More Each Day
BOSTON, MA—Krista McMullen, a recent college graduate, stares at the sign with snowballing insanity, “I literally can’t.” The sign sits above the couch in her basement studio. “At first I thought it was cute. Now it’s just a daily reminder of how awful the world is.” At press time, sources indicate Krista was seen drinking from a mug that said "Hang in there.” Written … [Read more...] about “Live, Laugh, Love” Sign Mocking You More Each Day
‘Hold My Dunkin’,’ Says Man About To Test Limits Of MassHealth Insurance
“Dude, I could totally jump clear over that shopping cart,” said 26-year-old Brad Poisano, an unemployed North End resident who was recently kicked off his parent’s insurance. “Just hold my Dunks and watch.” At press time, a concussed Poisano was seen attempting to call an Uber to Boston Medical Center after learning how much an ambulance ride costs. Written by … [Read more...] about ‘Hold My Dunkin’,’ Says Man About To Test Limits Of MassHealth Insurance