A Dorchester McDonald’s was left shocked and shuttered after its St. Patrick’s Day promotional event sent the location into financial and physical ruin.
The promo, which promised locals a free Shamrock Shake if they have a shamrock tattoo, ended up attracting more than 94,000 tatted residents from across the area.
“We thought this would be a fun way to celebrate the holiday in our New England region,” said a clearly flustered spokesperson for McDonald’s, who wished to remain anonymous for her safety. “We had no idea how many people here have this freaking clover tattoo. Angry, angry people.”
After the location quickly ran out of shakes, the thirsty visitors in line began to turn destructive. One particularly upset person, who onlookers say had a full shamrock-themed sleeve, punched out 10 window panes. Another with a tiny ankle shamrock tattoo flicked a lit cigarette into the kitchen, starting a small grease fire. Boston firefighters who turned up to put out the blaze reportedly waited 10 extra minutes in protest, as every single one had a shamrock tattoo and sided with the green-inked mob.
“Maybe next time they’ll be prepared,” said a firefighter with a shamrock on his knuckle. “We take free food and Shamrocks seriously here.”