• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Top Stories
    • Local
    • National News
    • College
    • Sports
    • Culture
  • About
  • Contact
  • Support Us
  • New! Buy Merch
The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

MBTA Crew Devoured After Accidentally Wandering Into Underground Nest Of Dropkick Murphys

January 24, 2021 by Malt Schlitzman

BOSTON—Tragedy has struck as an entire team of Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority workers were eaten alive after stumbling upon the underground nest of the band Dropkick Murphys.

“We were lured into the lair by a faint sound of punk rock music. I’m pretty sure it was ‘Johnny I Hardly New Ya,’” recalled the lone survivor of the massacre.

“The beat just kept getting louder and louder as we walked down an out of commission Green Line tunnel, right below the Prudential Center. Then all of a sudden, the hoard of Murphys leapt outta nowhere and just gobbled up my boys. Somehow I made it out, but I’m scarred forever dude. Those glowing green eyes!”

The attack is said to have taken place in an abandoned tunnel that local vagrants have dubbed Captain Kelly’s Kitchen.

Boston Police are said to be investigating the scene, but hopes for a safe return are low after passerby’s claim to have heard ‘Last Letter Home’ blaring from nearby sewer grates.

Share this:

  • Tweet

Related

Filed Under: Culture, Local Tagged With: Boston satire, Dropkick Murphys, punk, satire, the Boston accent

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

The Latest

Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways

July 22, 2020

A Touching Father’s Day: New England Dad Tells Son He’s Less Of A Disappointment Than Celtics Losing Finals

June 19, 2022

Worcester Crowned The ‘Is Pepsi Okay?’ City Of Massachusetts

June 16, 2022

We Asked Brookline Residents If They’re Excited To Host The US Open And They Told Us To Get Off Their Grass

June 15, 2022

Sports

If Klay Thompson Actually Cared About Offending Kids, He Wouldn’t Have Appeared In The New ‘Space Jam’

June 9, 2022

College

Brave Harvard Student Steps Out In Public Not Wearing Single Item Of Harvard Branded Clothing

April 5, 2022

National

Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’

June 24, 2022

Footer

About Us

The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

Want to pitch us? Send 5-10 headlines and a short bio here.

Recent

  • Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’ June 24, 2022
  • A Touching Father’s Day: New England Dad Tells Son He’s Less Of A Disappointment Than Celtics Losing Finals June 19, 2022
  • Worcester Crowned The ‘Is Pepsi Okay?’ City Of Massachusetts June 16, 2022
  • We Asked Brookline Residents If They’re Excited To Host The US Open And They Told Us To Get Off Their Grass June 15, 2022

Search

Follow Us!

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2022 The Boston Accent · Satire for the Massholes