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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

$600 Stimulus Check Covers Rent For 3 Square Inches Of Cambridgeport Apartment

December 22, 2020 by Bailey Hull

CAMBRIDGEPORT — In a massive win for tenants, the recent $600 COVID-19 stimulus check approved by the House and Senate will officially cover a few weeks rent for 3 whole square inches of a Cambridgeport studio apartment.

“After losing my job in May, I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford my egregious rent,” said Cambridgeport tenant Maggie Wong. “But thankfully, Congress has come together to decide that I can just crouch against the wall in my kitchen and live in this spot for the foreseeable future.”

The $600 check, intended by the Federal government to pay for months worth of food, bills, rent, clothing, and other necessities, will cover a cozy square of peeling vinyl flooring for Wong to enjoy until eviction.

At press time, House Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Leader Mitch McConnell came together in a rare show of bipartisanship, encouraging Americans who rent to consider using their “generous” stimulus check to purchase a medium-sized home instead.

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Filed Under: Culture, Local Tagged With: Boston satire, cambridge, rent, the Boston accent

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