• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Top Stories
    • Local
    • National News
    • College
    • Sports
    • Culture
  • About
  • Contact
  • Support Us
  • New! Buy Merch
The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

$600 Stimulus Check Covers Rent For 3 Square Inches Of Cambridgeport Apartment

December 22, 2020 by Bailey Hull

CAMBRIDGEPORT — In a massive win for tenants, the recent $600 COVID-19 stimulus check approved by the House and Senate will officially cover a few weeks rent for 3 whole square inches of a Cambridgeport studio apartment.

“After losing my job in May, I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford my egregious rent,” said Cambridgeport tenant Maggie Wong. “But thankfully, Congress has come together to decide that I can just crouch against the wall in my kitchen and live in this spot for the foreseeable future.”

The $600 check, intended by the Federal government to pay for months worth of food, bills, rent, clothing, and other necessities, will cover a cozy square of peeling vinyl flooring for Wong to enjoy until eviction.

At press time, House Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Leader Mitch McConnell came together in a rare show of bipartisanship, encouraging Americans who rent to consider using their “generous” stimulus check to purchase a medium-sized home instead.

Share this:

  • Tweet

Related

Filed Under: Culture, Local Tagged With: Boston satire, cambridge, rent, the Boston accent

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

The Latest

Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms

April 6, 2021

Cod Dinner On Good Friday Tasked With Undoing Entire Year Of Catholic Guilt

April 2, 2021

Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC

March 30, 2021

Sports

Lebron James Buys Stake In Red Sox After Owning Celtics For Years

March 16, 2021

College

Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

February 14, 2021

National

Heartwarming: Senator Sinema Pays Homage To Her Hero Emperor Commodus From Gladiator In Vote Against $15 Minimum Wage

March 6, 2021

Footer

About Us

The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

Want to pitch us? Send 5-10 headlines and a short bio here.

Recent

  • Masshole Meditation App Puts Users Through Guided Yelling Sessions April 11, 2021
  • Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms April 6, 2021
  • Cod Dinner On Good Friday Tasked With Undoing Entire Year Of Catholic Guilt April 2, 2021
  • Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC March 30, 2021

Search

Follow Us!

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 The Boston Accent · Satire for the Massholes