CAMBRIDGEPORT — In a massive win for tenants, the recent $600 COVID-19 stimulus check approved by the House and Senate will officially cover a few weeks rent for 3 whole square inches of a Cambridgeport studio apartment.
“After losing my job in May, I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford my egregious rent,” said Cambridgeport tenant Maggie Wong. “But thankfully, Congress has come together to decide that I can just crouch against the wall in my kitchen and live in this spot for the foreseeable future.”
The $600 check, intended by the Federal government to pay for months worth of food, bills, rent, clothing, and other necessities, will cover a cozy square of peeling vinyl flooring for Wong to enjoy until eviction.
At press time, House Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Leader Mitch McConnell came together in a rare show of bipartisanship, encouraging Americans who rent to consider using their “generous” stimulus check to purchase a medium-sized home instead.