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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

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‘I Got Into Dartmouth!’ Exclaims New Hampshire Man Who Just Broke Into School’s Library

December 30, 2020 by The Boston Accent

This is really a dream come true. I’ve been studying years for this very moment! I can’t believe I got into Dartmouth. Their library, to be exact. My family is going to be so proud when I tell them I finally figured out how to pick that stupid side door lock of the Baker Memorial Library. My first choice! These old dry books are going to make great kindling. We’re having a … [Read more...] about ‘I Got Into Dartmouth!’ Exclaims New Hampshire Man Who Just Broke Into School’s Library

Dad Takes Christmas Tree Out Back For Mercy Killing

December 28, 2020 by Bailey Hull

“You’re gonna go to a nice, quiet farm upstate with all the other big spruces,” whispered local father Greg Hernandez to the tree while revving a chainsaw. … [Read more...] about Dad Takes Christmas Tree Out Back For Mercy Killing

Boston Hastily Throws Gift Card And Socks Into Bag In Return For Nova Scotia’s Gifted Christmas Tree

December 24, 2020 by Bailey Hull

In a frantic gesture of goodwill, Boston has collectively thrown together a gift card and some nice socks to thank Nova Scotia for the annual Christmas Tree they send the city. “Nova Scotia has gifted Boston a massive white spruce Christmas tree every year since the 1940’s to thank our city for sending vital supplies and medical assistance after the 1917 Halifax Explosion, … [Read more...] about Boston Hastily Throws Gift Card And Socks Into Bag In Return For Nova Scotia’s Gifted Christmas Tree

$600 Stimulus Check Covers Rent For 3 Square Inches Of Cambridgeport Apartment

December 22, 2020 by Bailey Hull

CAMBRIDGEPORT — In a massive win for tenants, the recent $600 COVID-19 stimulus check approved by the House and Senate will officially cover a few weeks rent for 3 whole square inches of a Cambridgeport studio apartment. “After losing my job in May, I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford my egregious rent,” said Cambridgeport tenant Maggie Wong. “But thankfully, Congress … [Read more...] about $600 Stimulus Check Covers Rent For 3 Square Inches Of Cambridgeport Apartment

Boston Department Of Transportation Brings Out Zambonis To Ensure Road Ice Is Perfectly Smooth

December 18, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

“We want our city streets to be so slick and sleek, the Bruins could practice on them,” said DOT representative Dana Lewis. … [Read more...] about Boston Department Of Transportation Brings Out Zambonis To Ensure Road Ice Is Perfectly Smooth

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  • Bernie Sanders Entirely Unaware Of Meme Status Because His Jitterbug Flip Phone Has No Internet In Vermont January 21, 2021
  • Rich Friend With Good Health Insurance Insists You Spend $200 To Throw Yourselves Down A Mountain Together January 19, 2021
  • Opinion: If Bugs Bunny Is From Brooklyn, Then We Demand A Looney Tune From Everett January 17, 2021
  • Great Molasses Flood Of 1919 Finally Reaches Downtown Boston January 16, 2021

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