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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

Culture

Pats Fan Yearns For Day They Can Incorporate Free Dunkin’ Iced Coffee After Wins Into Financial Planning Again

October 4, 2024 by Brisa Sylvestre Leave a Comment

Tewksbury, MA - Resident Tom Connors is hopeful the age old free-iced-coffee-after-Pats-win promo will be revived and relevant this season and he can finally pencil it back into his financial plans. “During the good years, that free iced coffee was a big part of my weekly fall budgeting,” huffed Connors, “I saved hundreds from it. But when the Pats fell off, I guess so did … [Read more...] about Pats Fan Yearns For Day They Can Incorporate Free Dunkin’ Iced Coffee After Wins Into Financial Planning Again

Exhausted Salem Residents Give Up, Grant Tourists Free Entry Into All Homes

October 4, 2024 by Stacey Curran 5 Comments

Salem, MA—Exasperated residents in the seaside town famous for its 1692 witch trials say they have given up on keeping ghoul-hungry tourists from barging into their private homes this Halloween season. “It is worse this year than ever,” said a Washington Square resident who wished to remain anonymous. “Tourists have been looking in my windows since July. They think my house … [Read more...] about Exhausted Salem Residents Give Up, Grant Tourists Free Entry Into All Homes

Shocker: Boston Guy With Adorable Whales On Belt Is Total Asshole

August 25, 2024 by Joel Papp Leave a Comment

Local bartender Ashley Stevens was left utterly shocked this weekend when a man donning a salmon linen shirt, 9-inch inseam navy shorts, and a belt covered in downright adorable whales turned out to be a complete d-bag. “You’re too pretty to work here, you know that right?” said the cute-belted man, quickly covering his wedding ring with his other hand. “I’ll take two Blue … [Read more...] about Shocker: Boston Guy With Adorable Whales On Belt Is Total Asshole

‘Bring It On!’ Says Boston Resident Who Prepares For Snowstorm By Putting Shorts On

January 6, 2024 by Brisa Sylvestre Leave a Comment

DORCHESTER—As the first major winter storm of the season approached, Boston resident Johnny “Buckets” Buckachowski was seen sitting on his front stoop in shorts, holding a large iced coffee and staring at the sky. “BRING IT ON!” said an ecstatic Buckets as he taunted the powers that be in tan cargo and bean boots, ready to fight off any dusting of snow that accumulates on … [Read more...] about ‘Bring It On!’ Says Boston Resident Who Prepares For Snowstorm By Putting Shorts On

Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045

August 29, 2023 by Kyle Duggan Leave a Comment

ORLEANS, Mass. — A recent study has caused alarm in the scientific community after concluding that mini-golf courses on Cape Cod are expanding out of control. “There is a delicate balance between amusement areas and the rest of the environment, and changing one variable can have cascading consequences,” explained Leslie Cole, a professor of Environmental Studies at Tufts … [Read more...] about Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045

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