ORLEANS, Mass. — A recent study has caused alarm in the scientific community after concluding that mini-golf courses on Cape Cod are expanding out of control.
“There is a delicate balance between amusement areas and the rest of the environment, and changing one variable can have cascading consequences,” explained Leslie Cole, a professor of Environmental Studies at Tufts University. “For instance, if there are too many mini-golf courses, that doesn’t leave enough room for surf shops that actually make most of their money off of beach toys and novelties. Then those businesses end up scavenging spaces used by curiosity shops that sell weird knick-knacks that no one would ever want. It’s a devastating chain of events.”
Kathryn Walker, a lifelong resident of Eastham, said that encroaching amusement areas have already affected her daily life.
“My youngest child’s elementary school just got bulldozed so they could build an ice cream shop,” said Walker, whose property abuts a bike shop that is only open in the summer and a hastily-constructed landscaping business. “When I was growing up, there used to be so much local character here. Now even the locally-owned restaurants are essentially just fronts for selling t-shirts.”
Not everyone is displeased with the changes to the environment. Kimberlee Stevens, whose family owns a summer house in Chatham, says that she doesn’t understand the problem.
“Me personally, I just like to lay on the beach all day,” said Stevens, who was dressed head-to-toe in Cuffy’s attire. “But the kids get bored so fast. I’m glad that there are some places I can tell the nanny to take them. Then, when I have to watch them at night, it’s nice to know that there’s breweries and beer gardens that are family friendly and too expensive for dangerous townies. Frankly, I would welcome more frivolous amusements.”
At press time, Stevens was seen at a protest after a development company obtained a permit to build an off-shore mini-golf course within view of her family’s house.