WARWICK, R.I. — Anthropologists from Brown University were baffled during a recent survey of Rhode Island populations after finding that the Warwick dialect had drifted so far from English that they would need translators in order to communicate with local residents. “We haven’t been able to visit these communities since before the pandemic,” said Dr. Natalie Krueger, who is … [Read more...] about Brown University Study Finds American English And Warwick English No Longer Mutually Intelligible
Top Stories
Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045
ORLEANS, Mass. — A recent study has caused alarm in the scientific community after concluding that mini-golf courses on Cape Cod are expanding out of control. “There is a delicate balance between amusement areas and the rest of the environment, and changing one variable can have cascading consequences,” explained Leslie Cole, a professor of Environmental Studies at Tufts … [Read more...] about Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045
Nanas All Over New England Forced To File Bankruptcy After Visiting Christmas Tree Shop Liquidation Sale
“The tinsel is 75 percent off! Of course I needed to buy 2000 dollars worth at that price,” said one Nana from Attleboro, Mass. “You can never have too much wrapping paper. I should be all set for the next few years,” said another from Scarborough, Maine, filling a U-Haul with 6000 rolls purchased for pennies on the dollar. “I’m over my yearly budget though, so I’ll buy my … [Read more...] about Nanas All Over New England Forced To File Bankruptcy After Visiting Christmas Tree Shop Liquidation Sale
In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth
BOSTON—To continue his legacy of apologizing to marginalized groups that he physically slighted throughout his juvenile years, Mark Wahlberg has decided to openly apologize to the LGBTQ+ community. “Like in my movie ‘Joe Bell,’ somebody had to bully that gay kid so a beautiful story could come out of it. I’m sorry that person had to be me, but at least it was someone who … [Read more...] about In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth
Sad! White Harvard Applicant Who Would Have Been Rejected Under Affirmative Action Now Has No Excuse For Why He Will Still Be Rejected
Sources say future Harvard reject Reagan Lacey had already planned on claiming his seat was stolen from him by “less qualified individuals with set aside spots” if he didn’t get in. When asked if he feels that way about the legacy students and children of faculty who will continue to receive preferential admissions treatment, Lacey declined to comment. “I don’t see how that … [Read more...] about Sad! White Harvard Applicant Who Would Have Been Rejected Under Affirmative Action Now Has No Excuse For Why He Will Still Be Rejected