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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

Top Stories

Scalpers Spotted Outside Fenway Park Selling Ballots For Half Price

October 18, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

After early voting started this week at Fenway Park, scalpers were spotted outside the historic stadium selling discount ballots to Boston voters.  “I got one for Biden, two for Trump, and twelve for Jo Jorgensen,” said scalper Dave O’Connor, displaying a jacket pocket full of crumbled up ballots. “Lowest I’ll go is $50, these are selling for at least double … [Read more...] about Scalpers Spotted Outside Fenway Park Selling Ballots For Half Price

Now That Summer’s Over, Man Realizes Friend With Boat Actually Kind Of A Dick

October 17, 2020 by Kevin Kelliher Leave a Comment

With warm weather behind us, Fred Smith of Harwich is in hot water, as his friends have started to remember he’s actually a total tool. “Now that it’s too cold for him to take us out on his boat every weekend, I’m honestly not sure what he’s bringing to the friend group,” says Andrew Grant, a seasonal buddy of Smith’s. “All he ever talks about is his high school hockey … [Read more...] about Now That Summer’s Over, Man Realizes Friend With Boat Actually Kind Of A Dick

Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands

October 6, 2020 by The Boston Accent

What began as a boon for the Maine oyster industry has quickly soured as the demand for pearls that Senator Susan Collins can clutch has far exceeded supply. "When Senator Collins was attacked for her response to Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination, we knew she'd be calling us for a necklace’s worth of clutching pearls," said Jim Daniels of the Maine Oyster Farmers … [Read more...] about Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands

Merriam-Webster Adds ‘Mediumregulariced’ To Dictionary

September 29, 2020 by Bailey Hull

black and white book browse dictionary

Thanks to a petition signed by 4 million New England residents, Merriam-Webster will officially add "Mediumregulariced” to their dictionary on national coffee day. “This is a monumental achievement for New Englanders everywhere,” said Carrie Meisner, a spokesperson for the dictionary company who lives in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. “What could be more representative of our … [Read more...] about Merriam-Webster Adds ‘Mediumregulariced’ To Dictionary

Out Of Shows To Watch On Netflix? Experts Suggest Banging Your Head Repeatedly Against Wall

September 27, 2020 by Alicia Devereaux

Are you tired of rewatching Cheers on Netflix in fruitless attempts to produce some much needed serotonin? Experts from Harvard are now recommending that you bang your head “over and over” against a wall instead. “After multiple clinical trials, we have proven that smashing your head against a wall is actually healthier than watching Avatar The Last Airbender for the 50th … [Read more...] about Out Of Shows To Watch On Netflix? Experts Suggest Banging Your Head Repeatedly Against Wall

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

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