BROADWAY STATION – In a last minute festive move, the MBTA has rebranded the slow zone-plagued Red Line as a “Tunnel Of Love” in honor of Valentine’s Day.
“Today, the slow zones are completely intentional,” says an MBTA spokesperson. “We want to give riders the chance to spend extra time underground, enjoying the romantic ride with their date. For single riders, who knows, maybe they’ll meet their soulmate holding onto a pole nearby.”
Romantic features of the “Tunnel Of Love” include occasional sparks shooting from the train car’s undercarriage, akin to “flames of the soul” that give the ride a passionate atmosphere ripe for steamy connection. Sounds of hissing pipes and the occasional serenade over the intercom from the conductor also are designed to help love flourish.
Frequent T-rider Terry Shea is skeptical behind the motives of the Tunnel Of Love, but will ride anyway.
“I’m not sure if this is the best use of our tax dollars but I have no other choice than to give it a shot since this is literally how I get to work,” says Shea. “I’ve never met anyone I even remotely like on the T and I don’t expect that to change today.”
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