We all know how frustrating it is to hop on the Pike and realize that you forgot to borrow your cousin’s EZPass again. Gone are the carefree days where it would take the state a couple years to track you down. Now, it’s just a matter of months, and you can only ignore those fines for so long before they suspend your license. Luckily, there’s one easy trick that’ll let you drive from the harbor all the way to the Berkshires without paying a dime. I’ll tell you how to do it in 3 simple steps:
- Remove your license plates
Be careful with the front plate, but go ahead and hack away at the rear. Seriously, whale on it. Make sure there’s visible damage. That way, in the unlikely event that you get caught, you can say that it’s your grandmother’s car and she had a green plate. Someone must have rear-ended you in the Market Basket parking lot. Place is a goddamn zoo, right?
- Store your plates somewhere safe
Look, I’m not saying you should drive without them all the time, just when you don’t want to pay tolls. I mean, you already give them taxes, right? It should be called Taxachusetts! What the hell are they even doing with that money? Not fixing the potholes, that’s for sure.
- Keep an eye out for state troopers
Just kidding. They’re sitting under a bridge somewhere collecting overtime. And if they do hassle you, give me a call. I got an uncle and two brothers who are cops. They’ll help you out (for a price).
That’s it! Enjoy your newfound liberty. Go free and visit the Wrentham and Lee outlets on the same day without paying the ludicrous sum of $3.25. You’ll need that money for Dunkin now that they messed up the rewards.