• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Top Stories
    • Local
    • National News
    • College
    • Sports
    • Culture
  • About
  • Contact
  • Merch
The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

Terrifying Twist: Tourists Flock To Salem For Halloween Only To Realize It Totally Sucks

October 25, 2021 by The Boston Accent

In a haunting turn of events that seems right out of an M Night Shyamalan movie, tourists from across the country have traveled to Salem, Massachusetts for the shock of their lives: it actually sucks.

“I came here to see some ghosts, experience the witch trials, and maybe encounter a colonial-era ghoul or two, but all I got was a weekend stuck in an overcrowded suburb full of booked up restaurants and goth kids,” said a visiting tourist from Michigan, who asked to remain nameless due to horrifying embarrassment.

“Every cemetery tour and potion brewing course has been sold out for months, and the animatronic witch trial museum thing was full of coughing children and screaming Harry Potter fans. For Satan’s sake, the gift shop didn’t even have one amulet left!”

At press time, a jaded Salem local who fled to Boston for the month of October was seen listing their studio apartment on AirBnB for $600 a night and receiving 10 replies immediately.

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email

Related

Filed Under: National News Tagged With: halloween, Local, salem, the Boston accent

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

The Latest

Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat

April 2, 2025

American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment

March 28, 2025

Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston

March 14, 2025

Sports

Shelf Life Of Mayo Shorter Than Expected

January 5, 2025

College

‘Just Venmo Me,’ Says Harvard Student To Friends After Putting Entire Meal On Daddy’s Credit Card

February 1, 2024

National

Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement

April 27, 2025

Footer

About Us

The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

Want to pitch us? Send 5-10 headlines and a short bio here. New England centric pitches preferred, but open to all (funny) content!

Recent

  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025
  • Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston March 14, 2025

Search

Follow Us!

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2025 The Boston Accent · Satire for the Massholes