• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Top Stories
    • Local
    • National News
    • College
    • Sports
    • Culture
  • About
  • Contact
  • Support Us
  • New! Buy Merch
The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Great Molasses Flood Of 1919 Finally Reaches Downtown Boston

January 16, 2021 by Jack Stebbins

After an arduous 101 year journey, the carnage of the 1919 Boston Molasses Flood has traveled an entire six blocks and finally reached downtown Boston, nudging everything in its path.

“This disaster has been in my family for decades. My great-grandfather was there when the tank burst,” said longtime local Dana Tyrell. “And my grandfather was there when the first molasses hit the ground. Now I’m here to watch it reach Government Center.”

Residents of Cambridge and other municipalities in the Boston metro area have been informed that they will need to leave their homes starting in October of 2051. Citizens have been advised to leave in cars, or just walk at a leisurely pace away from the incredibly slow wave of brown goo.

Experts have confirmed that the molasses flood is much less dangerous than Boston’s baked bean tsunami of ‘31, but similar precautions (including emergency spoons) should be taken.

Share this:

  • Tweet

Related

Filed Under: Culture, Local Tagged With: Boston history, Boston humor, Boston satire, molasses flood, satire

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

The Latest

Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways

July 22, 2020

A Touching Father’s Day: New England Dad Tells Son He’s Less Of A Disappointment Than Celtics Losing Finals

June 19, 2022

Worcester Crowned The ‘Is Pepsi Okay?’ City Of Massachusetts

June 16, 2022

We Asked Brookline Residents If They’re Excited To Host The US Open And They Told Us To Get Off Their Grass

June 15, 2022

Sports

If Klay Thompson Actually Cared About Offending Kids, He Wouldn’t Have Appeared In The New ‘Space Jam’

June 9, 2022

College

Brave Harvard Student Steps Out In Public Not Wearing Single Item Of Harvard Branded Clothing

April 5, 2022

National

Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’

June 24, 2022

Footer

About Us

The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

Want to pitch us? Send 5-10 headlines and a short bio here.

Recent

  • Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’ June 24, 2022
  • A Touching Father’s Day: New England Dad Tells Son He’s Less Of A Disappointment Than Celtics Losing Finals June 19, 2022
  • Worcester Crowned The ‘Is Pepsi Okay?’ City Of Massachusetts June 16, 2022
  • We Asked Brookline Residents If They’re Excited To Host The US Open And They Told Us To Get Off Their Grass June 15, 2022

Search

Follow Us!

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2022 The Boston Accent · Satire for the Massholes