Following 96 straight hours of election coverage, the citizens of the United States are now unsure what to do with their newfound encyclopedic knowledge of every county in the state of Pennsylvania.
Since Tuesday, news outlets across the nation have provided a 24/7 crash course on the detailed geography of the Keystone State. Americans have devoured mountains of data about the now-irrelevant political beliefs of each of the 2,300 residents of Cameron County, PA. With the election called for Biden, many are desperately looking for situations in which to use their expertise.
“I know way more about Allegheny County—population 1.2 million—than I ever wanted to,” said lifetime California resident Gorta Mills, adding that she’s never stepped foot in Pennsylvania. “I feel like I studied for a quiz I’m never going to take. Maybe it will help in bar trivia one day?”
At press time, the state of Alaska was still withholding their results in hopes that someone would take the time to learn about them.