“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
Celtics
Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
‘Tis The Season! Households Across New England Replace Terrifying Patriots Decor With Cheery Celtics Gear
I swear it happens earlier and earlier each year! … [Read more...] about ‘Tis The Season! Households Across New England Replace Terrifying Patriots Decor With Cheery Celtics Gear
Celtics Look To Make History By Becoming First NBA Team To Come Back From Down 4-3
We’ve got them just where we want them. Anything is possible! … [Read more...] about Celtics Look To Make History By Becoming First NBA Team To Come Back From Down 4-3
Shocking: Celtics Return Home From Florida Instead Of Going There To Die Like Most New Englanders
New Englanders “I was sure they were going to pull a Nana and go to south Florida and never make it back alive. Looks like we’re still in this! Celtics in 7. Also RIP Nana.” (Impact copyright Celtics/respective owners and used under fair use) … [Read more...] about Shocking: Celtics Return Home From Florida Instead Of Going There To Die Like Most New Englanders