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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

National News

Jewish Person Feeds Entire Year’s Worth Of Sins To Unsuspecting Ducks

September 26, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“My favorite part of Rosh Hashana, and honestly the only part I still do, is the tashlich ceremony, where we ritually cast away sins in the form of bread into a nearby body of water,” said local resident Joseph Klein. The ducks who eat the bread have no idea that they are symbolically consuming my worst misdeeds of the part year. Or maybe they do and just love the taste of sin. … [Read more...] about Jewish Person Feeds Entire Year’s Worth Of Sins To Unsuspecting Ducks

Ron DeSantis Totally Owns Godless Libs In Massachusetts By Trafficking Humans Like A Good Christian

September 15, 2022 by The Boston Accent

Thanks for teaching us how to live good Christian values, Ron! … [Read more...] about Ron DeSantis Totally Owns Godless Libs In Massachusetts By Trafficking Humans Like A Good Christian

Finance Bro Who Doesn’t Know Single Person Making Less Than $125,000 Sure Has Strong Opinions About Student Loan Cancellation

August 24, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“I should not have to foot the bill through taxes for someone else’s art degree, period. Yes, my father paid my Wharton tuition in cash, and yes, their business school library does happen to have our family’s name on it, but that’s really not relevant. This policy is patently unfair.” … [Read more...] about Finance Bro Who Doesn’t Know Single Person Making Less Than $125,000 Sure Has Strong Opinions About Student Loan Cancellation

AC Unit Perched Precariously In Back Bay Brownstone Window Patiently Awaiting Chance To Crush Tourist

August 7, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“I was haphazardly placed in a sidewalk-facing 2nd story window by my master for this exact purpose, I can feel it deep down in my freon,” said the bløødthirsty hardware. “One day I will smoosh one, and I hope they are from Wisconsin.” … [Read more...] about AC Unit Perched Precariously In Back Bay Brownstone Window Patiently Awaiting Chance To Crush Tourist

Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’

June 24, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“How was I supposed to know this would happen? It was truly unforeseeable. Brett seemed so sweet and as a Mainer, I only see the good in people.” … [Read more...] about Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

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