“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
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Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight
Did you know Boston and Dublin were recently linked by The Portal after New York City’s infamous flashing incident? Of course you didn’t. That’s because it lasted a mere two hours before shutting down due to sheer boredom from both sides of watching sloshed Liams scrap each other for hours on end. “We already got dudes in scally caps brawling here, I can walk down Dot … [Read more...] about Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight
Man Stuck In Marathon Monday Traffic Has Sad Realization People Ran 26.2 Miles Faster Than He Driving It
“If I could get home in just around 2 hours, that would be incredible. These people are superhuman. Or our city’s infrastructure is super f*cked, one of the two.” … [Read more...] about Man Stuck In Marathon Monday Traffic Has Sad Realization People Ran 26.2 Miles Faster Than He Driving It
Twenty Minutes Into Answer, Kid Deeply Regrets Asking Parents What The Big Dig Was
While stuck in traffic in the Ted Williams Tunnel with his parents, 9-year-old Colin Frek was surprised when they both started swearing loudly about something called the Big Dig. Intrigued by their unusual behavior, Colin made the huge mistake of asking his parents what a Big Dig was. Spittle gathered at the corner of his father’s mouth as he charged up a response that … [Read more...] about Twenty Minutes Into Answer, Kid Deeply Regrets Asking Parents What The Big Dig Was