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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

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Man Begrudgingly Orders Filet-O-Fish To Absolve His Catholic Guilt From Forgetting About Ash Wednesday

March 5, 2025 by amycurrul Leave a Comment

“When I walked outside this morning and saw all the ash smudges on people’s foreheads, I immediately felt a wave of guilt. Those nuns really drill that into you in Catholic school. Unfortunately the only way I know how to make Catholic guilt go away is to eat a filet-o-fish, so that’s what I did.” … [Read more...] about Man Begrudgingly Orders Filet-O-Fish To Absolve His Catholic Guilt From Forgetting About Ash Wednesday

Shelf Life Of Mayo Shorter Than Expected

January 5, 2025 by Matt McInerney Leave a Comment

Sometimes the headlines write themselves. … [Read more...] about Shelf Life Of Mayo Shorter Than Expected

Donald Trump Selects Dave Portnoy As Director Of Responsible Gambling

November 13, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

“Dave is a reasonable guy. So reasonable. And responsible too. His taste in pizza and parlays is the best. He never misses and the great kids who voted for me look up to him. We’re lucky to have him,” said Trump about the decision. Portnoy could not be reached for comment, as he was busy picking a 31-leg parlay to sponsor on DraftKings. … [Read more...] about Donald Trump Selects Dave Portnoy As Director Of Responsible Gambling

Southie Bar Lowers Stool Heights So Boston Short Kings Can Finally Rest Feet On Floor

October 23, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

Finally! In a win for short kings everywhere, but especially in the short king land that is greater Boston, Southie staple Capo has announced they are lowering the height of all bar stools by 8 inches so even the most petite of princes can rest their Hokas comfortably on the floor. “It’s the right thing to do, you know for equity and all,” said bar manager Steve … [Read more...] about Southie Bar Lowers Stool Heights So Boston Short Kings Can Finally Rest Feet On Floor

Kendall Square Biotech Bro Dons Nicest Patagonia And Least Wrinked Jeans For Meeting With Investors

October 16, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

“You better believe there’s a bleach stained Broad Institute T-shirt under this. And you also better believe we’re clearing 8 figures for this series B,” said the biotech bro, walking down Binney Street. “What is our company working on, you ask? I actually can’t tell you that. We’re still in stealth mode. But George Church may be involved…that’s all I’m gonna say.” … [Read more...] about Kendall Square Biotech Bro Dons Nicest Patagonia And Least Wrinked Jeans For Meeting With Investors

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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