Wow! Harvard really is an inclusive institution. According to reports, the prestigious university in Cambridge apparently let in at least one student who does not have a 7-figure trust fund. “This is really a historic first for us,” said Harvard President Larry Bacow. “The student’s parents are not even partners at a law or private equity firm! We are really breaking … [Read more...] about Diversity Win! This Harvard Undergrad Doesn’t Even Have A Trust Fund
Trump’s Bright Orange Glow Dims To Pale Yellow Tint As Presidency Fizzles Out
It’s time to change the lightbulb. (Follow us on Instagram!) … [Read more...] about Trump’s Bright Orange Glow Dims To Pale Yellow Tint As Presidency Fizzles Out
Susan Collins Molts Skin In Preparation For New Senate Term
“It’s time to start fresh, for Maine!” said Collins, peeling off flecks of falling skin from her tailored pantsuit for the fifth time in her life. … [Read more...] about Susan Collins Molts Skin In Preparation For New Senate Term
Mitch McConnell Hurls Amy Coney Barrett Through Glass Ceiling
“No one can deny I am a feminist now,” said McConnell, wiping shards of glass from his blazer. … [Read more...] about Mitch McConnell Hurls Amy Coney Barrett Through Glass Ceiling
Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands
What began as a boon for the Maine oyster industry has quickly soured as the demand for pearls that Senator Susan Collins can clutch has far exceeded supply. "When Senator Collins was attacked for her response to Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination, we knew she'd be calling us for a necklace’s worth of clutching pearls," said Jim Daniels of the Maine Oyster Farmers … [Read more...] about Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands