Finally! In a win for short kings everywhere, but especially in the short king land that is greater Boston, Southie staple Capo has announced they are lowering the height of all bar stools by 8 inches so even the most petite of princes can rest their Hokas comfortably on the floor. “It’s the right thing to do, you know for equity and all,” said bar manager Steve … [Read more...] about Southie Bar Lowers Stool Heights So Boston Short Kings Can Finally Rest Feet On Floor
Kendall Square Biotech Bro Dons Nicest Patagonia And Least Wrinked Jeans For Meeting With Investors
“You better believe there’s a bleach stained Broad Institute T-shirt under this. And you also better believe we’re clearing 8 figures for this series B,” said the biotech bro, walking down Binney Street. “What is our company working on, you ask? I actually can’t tell you that. We’re still in stealth mode. But George Church may be involved…that’s all I’m gonna say.” … [Read more...] about Kendall Square Biotech Bro Dons Nicest Patagonia And Least Wrinked Jeans For Meeting With Investors
Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight
Did you know Boston and Dublin were recently linked by The Portal after New York City’s infamous flashing incident? Of course you didn’t. That’s because it lasted a mere two hours before shutting down due to sheer boredom from both sides of watching sloshed Liams scrap each other for hours on end. “We already got dudes in scally caps brawling here, I can walk down Dot … [Read more...] about Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight