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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

The Boston Accent

Kendall Square Biotech Bro Dons Nicest Patagonia And Least Wrinked Jeans For Meeting With Investors

October 16, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

“You better believe there’s a bleach stained Broad Institute T-shirt under this. And you also better believe we’re clearing 8 figures for this series B,” said the biotech bro, walking down Binney Street. “What is our company working on, you ask? I actually can’t tell you that. We’re still in stealth mode. But George Church may be involved…that’s all I’m gonna say.” … [Read more...] about Kendall Square Biotech Bro Dons Nicest Patagonia And Least Wrinked Jeans For Meeting With Investors

Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White

June 22, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White

Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return

May 27, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return

Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight

May 23, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

Did you know Boston and Dublin were recently linked by The Portal after New York City’s infamous flashing incident? Of course you didn’t. That’s because it lasted a mere two hours before shutting down due to sheer boredom from both sides of watching sloshed Liams scrap each other for hours on end. “We already got dudes in scally caps brawling here, I can walk down Dot … [Read more...] about Boston Briefly Replaces New York City As Dublin’s Portal Connection, Shuts Down After Both Sides Get Bored Watching Drunk Guys Named Liam Fight

Man Stuck In Marathon Monday Traffic Has Sad Realization People Ran 26.2 Miles Faster Than He Driving It

April 15, 2024 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

“If I could get home in just around 2 hours, that would be incredible. These people are superhuman. Or our city’s infrastructure is super f*cked, one of the two.” … [Read more...] about Man Stuck In Marathon Monday Traffic Has Sad Realization People Ran 26.2 Miles Faster Than He Driving It

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