Salem, MA—Exasperated residents in the seaside town famous for its 1692 witch trials say they have given up on keeping ghoul-hungry tourists from barging into their private homes this Halloween season.
“It is worse this year than ever,” said a Washington Square resident who wished to remain anonymous. “Tourists have been looking in my windows since July. They think my house is a movie set for some Blumhouse horror film or something.”
“September started with them banging on my door at all hours of the night. Then a group followed me up my stairs when I was carrying in groceries and started live streaming from my living room on Instagram.”
Attempting to stop the deluge of Halloween-obsessed tourists, the Salem Neighborhood Association raised funds to buy ‘No Trespassing’ signs in bulk. Somehow that made things worse.
“The signs signaled to the witch-hatted, suede-booted intruders that our homes were just prop-filled haunted houses, at least according to the bachelorette party I found in my kitchen.” said Association President Candy Prescott.
“Our entire neighborhood agreed we’re just going to leave our doors wide open for all of October and put out a donation box, which will likely go ignored. Anything they ask me, I will say yes,” Prescott added.
“Yes, my house is haunted. Yes, I know the ghost’s name. Yes, of course they were a witch. In fact, they might have been a double witch.”
Prescott said this decision to allow tourists into homes was a unanimous group vote because they were all “so freaking exhausted.”
However, Association members made it a point to add that bathroom access will not be part of free entry.
“There are 38 porta-johns out there. If these people are looking for terrifying, they should start there.”
The public witch city mall is even more terrifying
Why are you guys making trespassing legal?? If people are coming up to your home and coming into your home why aren’t you calling the police and getting them charged with trespassing private property I just can’t fathom that the whole city of Salem is allowing all tourists to enter anybody’s home at any time they want for whatever reason they want come on that’s a lot of BS there’s got to be more to the story than that
Really? Lock your f’n door.
They should charge an exit fee ????
People are so rude these days, ridiculous!
Just came back from Salem. I didn’t visit your house. I did dance with witches. So sorry you have to deal with unruly tourists.