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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

8 Things Tom Brady Is Doing With His Extra Time This Super Bowl Weekend

February 12, 2023 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

  1. Celebrating his retirement with an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s instead of his usual avocado sorbet topped with youth serum sprinkles.
  2. Redeeming his free first week of jiu jitsu lessons at seven different martial arts facilities in the Tampa Bay area.
  3. Shadow boxing an Antonio Brown Fathead in a corner with brass knuckles he made out of his 7 Super Bowl rings and duct tape.
  4. Plucking the unibrow hairs out of his homemade Eli Manning corn husk voodoo doll.
  5. Reporting the last 12 Patriots Instagram account posts, citing “I just don’t like it” as the reason.
  6. Changing Bill Belichick’s picture in his contacts to the Grim Reaper and feeling guilty about how satisfying it is.
  7. Thinking about how, now that he’s retired, it might be time to finally settle down and start a family.
  8. Seeing the score in the Super Bowl is only 10-7 at halftime and unretiring again.

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