Fake Exploding Package At Northeastern Still More Real Than Roommate’s Girlfriend Who ‘Just Goes To A Different School’

“Sure, the suspicious package thing may have just been a big ruse for some dude to criticize Mark Zuckerberg,“ said Northeastern sophomore Evan Griswold. “But it still had more truth to it than my roommate talking about his ‘girlfriend’ who he swears is ‘very cool’ and ‘goes to Tufts which is too far for her to visit.’ Sure.”