So, you just stopped at Dunkin, Honeydew, or maybe West Shore Coffee Bar if you’re cool. You were planning on just ordering a coffee, but last night hit kind of hard, and you ended up getting a nice, greasy breakfast sandwich to replenish your salts, or for the protein, or whatever you tell yourself when you want hangover food. Do you really want to drive all the way home before that meat and cheese can get into your belly? I didn’t think so. Here’s where you should park after you inevitably drive to the Oakland Beach parking lot to scarf down your egg sandwich.
7. A little ways down the road from the actual parking lot
Well, looks like you couldn’t find so much as a patch of dirt in the actual parking lot. This isn’t so bad, though. You can still kind of see the water, and you don’t have to worry about people walking out of Dunkin and seeing you just sitting there, eating your breakfast like a loser. You went somewhere. That’s all that matters.
6. The one next to the spot in third place
Of course, I mean the one to the right of the higher-ranked spot. The view is okay, but it’s not as nice, and you’ll be keenly aware that you’re missing out on a much better experience. That feeling doesn’t pair well with hash browns.
5. A patch of dirt and grass that is technically not blocking traffic
Rules were made to be broken. You’re not hurting anyone. Eat your sandwich in peace.
4. The spot near the gazebo where you can reach the Pokéstop
This one would be a lot higher if you hadn’t deleted Pokémon Go, like, two years ago. By the time you download it and log in, that sandwich is going to be long gone. You’ll tell yourself that you’re going to get back into Pokémon Go for a few months, but you’ll just delete it again.
3. The one spot with kind of a nice view
You know which spot I’m talking about. It’s not too far down the line, but it’s far enough that you’re not going to be distracted by the playground. You can pretty much look out over the water without noticing the country club.
2. The last spot
Sure, it’s probably not a great location in a vacuum, but the feeling you get when you snipe that last parking space is tough to beat. Enjoy your victory sandwich.
1. The spot right in front of the rock with the perfect butt imprint
I will not tell you the exact location of this spot. If you know, you know. It’s the actual reason we’re here in the first place. It’s the only remotely comfortable rock on the bank and if the weather is halfway decent, it beats sitting in your car. The sound of the surf, the salt air in your hair, the morning sun reflecting off the rippled surface of the water—it’s easy to dissociate and stuff a sausage, egg, and cheese into your slack-jawed face. The only thing that can ruin it is someone parked behind you enjoying their own sandwich, so you’ve really got to nab this spot if you want to sit here.